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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477151">Grief</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites'>RPGwrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:42:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hawke's mother died she was forced to put a smile and say everything is okay. She still had her friends, she still had Isabela. But when Isabela walks out everything becomes too real for her. Even when she comes back Hawke can't find it in her heart to forgive her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Hawke/Isabela</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompted by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoryFireLion"> CoryFireLion </a>. Prompt: "I wish I could believe you!"</p><p>A big shoutout to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingProfound"> SomethingProfound </a> for being a sensitivity reader as well as my beta!! I appreciate all the help!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"The Champion of Kirkwall!" Meredith said and with it, the whole room cheered. Even Isabela did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke avoided her gaze as she buried her anger deep away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Isabela went with nothing except a note it felt like someone ripped her heart out. It seemed like Hawke meant less to her than she thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when she came back with the book Hawke felt herself wanting to forgive her. Well almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Arishok gave her a choice. But she couldn't give Isabela up. She meant too much. Yet after this, she wanted nothing to do with the pirate that meant more to her than she could possibly say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabela crushed her heart in more pieces than she could count. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything hurt. Blood was pouring on the ground but she couldn't care less. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like an eternity since Meredith raised her hand. Everything felt hollow. She felt like no Champion. Hawke felt like a failure. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I couldn't even save my mother. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mother…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke squeezed her eyes shut. That was another thing she failed in. Hawke was too slow. Too weak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hawke." Isabela sounded worried. But how could she? She left. Abandoned her. "You're hurt."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jerked away. "I'm fine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hawke." She looked Isabela in her eyes. Her words hit something. What she wasn't sure. "Please don't. You need help."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just go." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hawke I care about you." Isabela's words seemed sincere. But she couldn't dare believe her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wish I could believe you!" Hawke was angry and she knew her anger showed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Alright." It was barely a whisper. But finally, she left.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>After Isabela left Varric helped her and got Anders. He treated her as best as he could but she collapsed and was unconscious for most of her treatment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello sleepyhead," Varric said as she came to it again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned as confused as she possibly could be. "What happened?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered Isabela betraying her and the fight with the Qunari leader but that was just a dream, right? It must've all been a dream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You fought the Arishok."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That really happened." She took her arm to rub her eyes but groaned when her body didn't even allow her to do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Take it easy Hawke. Blondie will be back with more healing potions. You should get some rest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I had enough sleep." She tried to sit up straight but that was a mistake as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your body and I disagree with you," Varric made his point. And she had to admit to herself it was a fair one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Varric gave her a look and she knew he wanted to tell her something. "Spit it out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Rivani was here. She's worried about you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke only narrowed her eyes. "Well, I don't want to see her. She betrayed us. She can't be trusted."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Varric took a seat next to her bed. "But she came back."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She left me Varric!" Hawke almost shouted the words. "How am I supposed to trust her again?" This time she choked the words out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Alright, Hawke."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Varric left her. Something for which Hawke is very thankful for.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Anders ordered bed rest for Hawke. Something she was very thankful for. The others visited her but she sent them home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm tired, Aveline. Can you leave me alone so I can sleep?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the same excuse each time. After a while, Isabela stopped trying to visit. She was happy but that hurt her too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again Hawke should be thankful. She wanted to be left alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One after the other they visited less and less. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke shut them out. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Hawke felt alone. She felt like a failure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mother died because of her. Months went by with many tears but the hurt never got better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got what she wanted. She was alone. She tried to fill that hole with sleep, alcohol whatever she could do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But all she felt was an emptiness that couldn't ever be filled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's her fault that Bethany died. It's her fault Carver was at the wardens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sent Carver a letter telling him about Mother's death. But he never returned them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps he knew it was her fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle was right. She wasn't fast enough. When mother told her about the flowers she was happy. But she should've known.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawkes doesn’t get to be happy. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>"So what did you want to talk about, dwarf?" Fenris asked as he took a sip from his ale.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is it Hawke? Is she alright?" Merril asked, concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At Hawke's name, there was a shift in Isabela's eyes. But most would have missed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think someone needs to talk to Hawke." Varric began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She doesn't want anyone there!" Isabela said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's hurt Riviana." Varric took some of his ale. "Go talk to her."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Me?" Isabela laughed. “She doesn't want me. She hates me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's just angry," Varric said instead. "She was hurt by your betrayal."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Isabela only narrowed her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She could've sold you out but she didn't."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabela stood up and pushed her chair back hard, "Maybe she should have."</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Hawke sat up straight. Her nightmares of her mother died as usual haunted her. But this time it got too much for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the first time in months she cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried for Bethany.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried about almost losing Carver. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried for her mother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hawke?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She choked her tears. "Who is there?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Footsteps sounded and Isabela came out of the doorway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isabela?" Hawke called all anger disappeared from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hawke." Isabela came and hugged her. "Everything will be alright."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It won't!" She didn't care that Isabela saw her. "Everyone is leaving me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Hawke," she let go of the hug. "I'm sorry I left."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed the upcoming tears. "Why did you come back?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. "I couldn't leave you. Not after everything. We need to stick together. I kept thinking of you. You would've fought so I came back."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh Isabela," a few tears dropped again. "It's all my fault."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabela frowned. "What's your fault?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My mother's death. My sister's death. I wasn't strong enough."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't say that." Isabela looked seriously at her. "You tried to save them and they're still with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawke frowned. "Where?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Here." Isabela showed towards her heart. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feel free to come and say hi on <a href="https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/"> Tumblr </a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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